Objects in the mirror.

I’m sure, or pretty sure, that most working-outside-of-the-home parents have struggled with the same feeling that I found myself fighting this morning as I walked up the steps to my work building.

It was relief.

Then it was the guilt that followed, BECAUSE I felt relieved. Relieved to have dropped my children off to be cared for by someone else for the day. That so goes against the natural grain of the warm, fuzzy, motherly feelings that I have most days.

But not today.

I couldn’t take another minute of the screaming. I couldn’t take another minute of the whining. I couldn’t take another minute of not being able to finish ONE STINKIN’ TASK that I started because someone needed something from me. Right now. My super-mom cape is feeling pretty worn and tattered today. In fact, it kinda feels like it’s been run over by a couple of Mack trucks. And then pooped on. I don’t know if it’s the weather, or just a phase, or what. But my patience is not just thin lately, it’s pretty much gone. Hopped a plane to somewhere warmer. With room service.

There are days when being at work is like a magical little oasis. An oasis where I can go to the bathroom (by myself) and not have to answer a hundred questions about where the pee goes when I flush the toilet and is it here in the tank, or is it here underneath the toilet, and WHY CAN’T WE SEE IT ANYMORE??!! An oasis where I can have a snack all to myself and not have to try to hide it from anyone for fear of them wanting the same snack and having to reason and justify why they can’t have any more yogurt because they just had yogurt and we’re going to be eating lunch in just a little while, so just go play for a few more minutes, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY. An oasis where I can write in a notebook with my very own pencil and finish a thought and not have to make sure that everyone else has paper of their own to make their own lists and get them pencils, not black pens because I don’t like black pens, remember, and oh – great, now you want to make a list, too, so here is some paper – oh, well, you threw it on the floor and no, I’m not going to pick it up for you, again – FORGET IT. I’ll make my list later. After I drink this bottle of tequila. Never mind. I can’t even do that. Because that’s waaayyy too many calories.

My kids are not bad kids. They’re actually pretty darn good kids, if I do say so myself. They’re fun kids, funny kids, and I love to be around them. I have to be okay with the fact that sometimes, I need to not be around them. I *guess* that doesn’t make me a bad mother, does it? Because society, or something – we’ll just call it “society” for lack of better understanding, sure makes me feel that way sometimes.

I know I divulge more on this site than a lot of others do on their own sites. But life isn’t always pretty. Or perfect. Or happy. And maybe I need to find a different outlet for some of this pent-up stress and frustration. Or… maybe there’s someone else out there who feels exactly the same way today, and is reading this and realizes that they’re not the only one. I hope that’s the case – because it’s sure easy to feel like the only one sometimes. I know it helps me a lot to know that someone else has days like this, too, and maybe, just maybe, normal is a little closer than it appears in the mirror.