You see, that's the crux of the problem, right there. I haven't a clue.
But as I look back at my life thus far, perhaps it turns out that I am being exactly who I am supposed to be.
Even though the words I'd often use to describe myself are the likes of "wishy-washy". "Non-committal."
I've never known what I want to be when I grow up, or been so driven or passionate about something that I've been consumed, or could even formulate a coherent response when someone asks, "what motivates me."*
Add another descriptor to the list: "unmotivated".
*This question actually was posed to me recently, and I've been thinking a lot about it ever since. And I still don't have an answer. Shit.
And now here I sit, kids napping. Laundry washing. Sun shining. On my very first day of voluntary unemployment. Wondering. Have I arrived at where I am supposed to be - is this the place? And why is it so covered in cat hair?
I haven't a clue. But I sure hope so. (The arrived part - not the cat hair part.) It's been an uneventful day thus far, except for the unexpected arrival of a bottle of liquor at my front door, handed to me with a card (that made me bawl, by the way - seems to be a recurring theme in my life the last couple of days) a hug from Mama Meg. All, unquestionably, precious gifts.
And the girls? you may ask, on this first day on the new path in our lives? They're fine. Josie just awoke mid-nap, and yelled out for Betty. (Insert a dab of guilt and a dollop of misgivings right about here.) I went in to her room, and she clearly wasn't ready to be awake. Her emotions are riding pretty close to the skin the last couple of days, and this nap, hopefully, will help calm the drama. Eve has been, thus far, equal parts sweet and evil. And I say that with the utmost love and affection I can muster after she put all cat's food in his water dish, jumped off the back of couch (again) and pinched her sister more times than I can count.
We've done a little playing and a little cleaning and a little snuggling today. And now I think I'll press the repeat button, and think some more about how my unmotivated, wishy-washy, non-committal ways have served me pretty darn well so far.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I have to see if this actually works. I'm posting from my phone... those young kids got nothin on me...
Ch-ch-ch-changes.
Minnesota Life has treated me well. They are a solid company, and I have made countless, solid friendships. I've given them 9 years, and now, it's time for something new.
Today, I gave my notice. May 28th will be my last day. I don't think I realized how... stressed, and emotional I was over this decision. I'm beyond wiped out tonight. I had to tell Betty, our daycare provider of 4 years, almost to the day, this morning that the girls wouldn't be coming to her house anymore - at least in the same capacity that they have been. Then I had to tell my manager, and my team. Don't get me wrong, everyone has been great, and so supportive. But it's a big change. A scary change... an exciting change. I still can't believe I'm going to do it. I've talked about it, I've thought about it, and now it's time to do it.
So... who wants to play with us this summer? :)
Today, I gave my notice. May 28th will be my last day. I don't think I realized how... stressed, and emotional I was over this decision. I'm beyond wiped out tonight. I had to tell Betty, our daycare provider of 4 years, almost to the day, this morning that the girls wouldn't be coming to her house anymore - at least in the same capacity that they have been. Then I had to tell my manager, and my team. Don't get me wrong, everyone has been great, and so supportive. But it's a big change. A scary change... an exciting change. I still can't believe I'm going to do it. I've talked about it, I've thought about it, and now it's time to do it.
So... who wants to play with us this summer? :)
Houston, we have a problem.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Internet. I'm gonna type something I never thought I'd... see myself write.
My daughter is an ass-grabber.
It's happened before, and it happened again, today, and I'm not sure what exactly we're going to do about it. Pat had Eve at Target with him this morning, and they were at the checkout. He turned to check on her, and there she was, curiously, ahem, rubbing the (and this is his description, not mine) tightly-jeaned, ample behind of a woman near them in line. Mumbling an apology, and sporting a red face, Pat grabbed Evie's hand and issued a stern warning. She's exhibited her fondness for fondling a couple of times before in public... and good lord. Do I seriously have to deal with this, or, please, tell me it's just going to go away. Please. 'Cuz I hardly have time to keep up with the laundry and the dishes and the potty-training, and am not exactly sure where in our schedules we're going to find time for an intervention of this sort.
But, on a lighter note, if this is the biggest obstacle I have to blog about right now, then I suppose things in our life aren't really all that bad, are they? For this, considering some of the things some of my dearest friends are dealing with right now, I should be, and am, extremely grateful.
Ass-grabbing aside, Eve is an absolute doll. She's wicked sweet and funny and talkative and strong-willed right now, and pushes us to the edge of sanity and hilarity on a daily basis. She packs quite a punch in a teeny-tiny package, and can still wear the majority of her clothes from last summer. She's currently midway through a swimming class, and absolutely loves it. She can't get enough of jumping in the water, and begs for more. She struggles to free herself from my grip, and actually asks to be dunked under the water. We're thinking it may be wise to just put her in a life preserver during every waking moment... because she truly has no fear, which, in turn, puts a whole lotta fear in us.
And my Josie. She is a sponge. She's inquisitive, and so eager to learn. She's showing a talent for numbers, and was even adding today - much to my amazement. I've never had a four-year-old before... this is all so new and overwhelming, and so fun. She's very watchful, and asks questions until there seemingly aren't any more questions to ask... until she thinks about it long enough to find another. She'll stay outside all day if we let her, and loves to do anything and everything to help someone. Yardwork, cleaning house, shopping, putting away laundry... she'll find a way to help, and truly is very helpful. She's been growing her hair out for the past year, after she saw a show about kids with cancer, and asked tons of questions, and agreed that she wanted to help them and give her hair to a little girl who doesn't have any. We've been talking about it, and now... it seems that she's having a bit of an internal struggle with vanity, as she's grown quite attached to her long hair, and braids, and ponytails... so we'll have to see if she'll make the decision to part with it when the time comes. She's now enrolled in two preschool programs, both of which we're pleased with. One is a charter school, three full days a week, and the other is through the St. Paul public schools' four-year-old program, and would be five days a week, either 2 1/2 hours in the morning or afternoon. We've got some logistics to figure out, and will make a decision this summer which she'll end up attending.
Oh, there is so much more. We just had a lovely, full weekend with both sides of our family. And now we're tired. So I'll leave you, for now, but do hope to try to check in more often than I have been lately.
My daughter is an ass-grabber.
It's happened before, and it happened again, today, and I'm not sure what exactly we're going to do about it. Pat had Eve at Target with him this morning, and they were at the checkout. He turned to check on her, and there she was, curiously, ahem, rubbing the (and this is his description, not mine) tightly-jeaned, ample behind of a woman near them in line. Mumbling an apology, and sporting a red face, Pat grabbed Evie's hand and issued a stern warning. She's exhibited her fondness for fondling a couple of times before in public... and good lord. Do I seriously have to deal with this, or, please, tell me it's just going to go away. Please. 'Cuz I hardly have time to keep up with the laundry and the dishes and the potty-training, and am not exactly sure where in our schedules we're going to find time for an intervention of this sort.
But, on a lighter note, if this is the biggest obstacle I have to blog about right now, then I suppose things in our life aren't really all that bad, are they? For this, considering some of the things some of my dearest friends are dealing with right now, I should be, and am, extremely grateful.
Ass-grabbing aside, Eve is an absolute doll. She's wicked sweet and funny and talkative and strong-willed right now, and pushes us to the edge of sanity and hilarity on a daily basis. She packs quite a punch in a teeny-tiny package, and can still wear the majority of her clothes from last summer. She's currently midway through a swimming class, and absolutely loves it. She can't get enough of jumping in the water, and begs for more. She struggles to free herself from my grip, and actually asks to be dunked under the water. We're thinking it may be wise to just put her in a life preserver during every waking moment... because she truly has no fear, which, in turn, puts a whole lotta fear in us.
And my Josie. She is a sponge. She's inquisitive, and so eager to learn. She's showing a talent for numbers, and was even adding today - much to my amazement. I've never had a four-year-old before... this is all so new and overwhelming, and so fun. She's very watchful, and asks questions until there seemingly aren't any more questions to ask... until she thinks about it long enough to find another. She'll stay outside all day if we let her, and loves to do anything and everything to help someone. Yardwork, cleaning house, shopping, putting away laundry... she'll find a way to help, and truly is very helpful. She's been growing her hair out for the past year, after she saw a show about kids with cancer, and asked tons of questions, and agreed that she wanted to help them and give her hair to a little girl who doesn't have any. We've been talking about it, and now... it seems that she's having a bit of an internal struggle with vanity, as she's grown quite attached to her long hair, and braids, and ponytails... so we'll have to see if she'll make the decision to part with it when the time comes. She's now enrolled in two preschool programs, both of which we're pleased with. One is a charter school, three full days a week, and the other is through the St. Paul public schools' four-year-old program, and would be five days a week, either 2 1/2 hours in the morning or afternoon. We've got some logistics to figure out, and will make a decision this summer which she'll end up attending.
Oh, there is so much more. We just had a lovely, full weekend with both sides of our family. And now we're tired. So I'll leave you, for now, but do hope to try to check in more often than I have been lately.
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