Who do I think I am?

You see, that's the crux of the problem, right there. I haven't a clue.

But as I look back at my life thus far, perhaps it turns out that I am being exactly who I am supposed to be.

Even though the words I'd often use to describe myself are the likes of "wishy-washy". "Non-committal."

I've never known what I want to be when I grow up, or been so driven or passionate about something that I've been consumed, or could even formulate a coherent response when someone asks, "what motivates me."*

Add another descriptor to the list: "unmotivated".

*This question actually was posed to me recently, and I've been thinking a lot about it ever since. And I still don't have an answer. Shit.

And now here I sit, kids napping. Laundry washing. Sun shining. On my very first day of voluntary unemployment. Wondering. Have I arrived at where I am supposed to be - is this the place? And why is it so covered in cat hair?

I haven't a clue. But I sure hope so. (The arrived part - not the cat hair part.) It's been an uneventful day thus far, except for the unexpected arrival of a bottle of liquor at my front door, handed to me with a card (that made me bawl, by the way - seems to be a recurring theme in my life the last couple of days) a hug from Mama Meg. All, unquestionably, precious gifts.

And the girls? you may ask, on this first day on the new path in our lives? They're fine. Josie just awoke mid-nap, and yelled out for Betty. (Insert a dab of guilt and a dollop of misgivings right about here.) I went in to her room, and she clearly wasn't ready to be awake. Her emotions are riding pretty close to the skin the last couple of days, and this nap, hopefully, will help calm the drama. Eve has been, thus far, equal parts sweet and evil. And I say that with the utmost love and affection I can muster after she put all cat's food in his water dish, jumped off the back of couch (again) and pinched her sister more times than I can count.

We've done a little playing and a little cleaning and a little snuggling today. And now I think I'll press the repeat button, and think some more about how my unmotivated, wishy-washy, non-committal ways have served me pretty darn well so far.