Reminders

Monday, October 05, 2009
There have been a lot of days since I've been a stay-at-home mom where the drudgery of the chores, the hassle of the never-ending, relentless tasks, the annoying grate of little voices needing something from me, again, the squabbling and questions and mess have made me want to run away. Days where I haven't wanted to even get dressed, never mind get someone else dressed. Mornings when I curse the tiny busing area for Josie's school as I hustle both girls out the door.

Last night, Eve fell down the stairs leading from our main level to the basement. From the top. To the bottom. Hurtling head over toes. I heard the thudding as I was pulling Josie's bedding from the dryer. I turned just in time to see her little body tumbling down the last bottom half of the staircase. The floor of the laundry/utility room half of our basement is not soft. It is hard, and it is cold, and it is the last thing in the world you would want the body of your child to fall against - especially with the speed and force gained after tumbling down the stairs. And yet, somehow, with some unseen, guiding hand, she landed at the bottom sitting upright.

As I screamed "omygod omygod omygod" and rushed to her, she started sobbing. I frantically touched her everywhere looking for the bumps, scrapes, bruises, blood, broken parts. There were nothing but big, sad tears.

She reached her arms around my neck, and patted my back. She said, "I fell." Then sobbed, "Josie, I brought you your bunny." And there at the bottom of the stairs, was Josie's favorite stuffed animal, unharmed, looking up at us. Josie was sad and tired and ready for bed and came with me to retrieve her blankie from the dryer. Eve was bringing her bunny to her, and either slipped or missed her first step on her way down the stairs.

It was my biggest fear in our house come true. I've pictured someone falling down those stairs many times, pictured unthinkable images of what could happen to small bodies and heads hitting that floor. After Eve and I returned home this morning from dropping Josie at school and running an errand at Target, I went to the bathroom, and thought about what happened last night, and burst into uncontrollable sobs. She was fine. She is fine. But I couldn't stop crying.

Next time I'm feeling ungrateful, burdened, bothered, I'll will myself to snap out of it before I need a reminder of why I'm doing what I'm doing. Or pray for a more gentle reminder. I stayed home so that Josie could participate in the pre-K program. I stayed home so that I didn't have to write out a check to someone else to care for Eve. I stayed home so that I could be the one to answer their questions, to dry their tears, to help them clean up their messes. I stayed home so that I could play a million games of dominoes, have my hair "fixed" with fifty barrettes, and have helping hands with grocery shopping. I stayed home to learn from them, to teach them, to be a better person, a better mom.

And, for now, there is a rug at the bottom of the basement stairs. And a whole lot of thanks going out to the unseen helping hand that placed Eve upright at the bottom.

5 comments:

Angie said...

I love it!!! THat is so true, I may do daycare at home but I still get those moment and they are priceless. Thanks for the reminder to me!! Hayden said the first day of Kindergarden "Mom I'm going to miss my daycare friends but the person I'm going to miss most is you" those are the moments that make it all worth it!!!!

peggles said...

that message you wrote really does put it all into perspective. i feel the way you wrote all the time...not getting MY stuff done, doing the same task, answering the same questions over and over again, cleaning up again and again. thanks for the reminder of why we CHOSE to be moms. and when i'm throwing MY fit about not getting MY stuff done, jack comes to me and says "i love you , momma" and squeezes my cheeks and kisses me. then, i seem forget (for the moment) all that I have not done and remember that i have sometihing MORE IMPORTANT to play with.

Anonymous said...

I think that is what being a mom is all about~~and thank God most of the time most of us don't run away~~ and I am so thankful Evie wasn't hurt by her tumble down the stairs. And I am so thankful you and Kay are such good moms~~

Caroline Felitto said...

I have had this link and been meaning to check in on you for ages. I'm so glad I did today. I miss you SOOO much, but I love reading your story and hearing that you are exactly where you need/deserve to be. I'm proud of you :-) So thankful Eve is ok after her tumble. Let's get together soon since all of summer has passed without an in-person update. Take care!

Jara said...

I have to say my kids have not fallen down the stairs. Much. We went out to dinner for our anniversary and had to get a sitter (since I can't really leave them with Sherm anymore). We get back and I ask her how the night was and how the kids did. She said fine. The kids were already in bed. The next morning we get up and discover that she had taken the kids to the school park not far from our home and Ike totally biffed it on his bike. He looked like hell! I had just run out of children's IB when Zoey had her fever, so I called the school to let them know that I didn't beat him up and if he needed anything to feel better please give it to him. Talk about feeling guilty--we never go out and the one time we do, the babysitter didn't even tell us what happened! He did heal extremely quickly thou on a good note.